What You Don’t Know About Leadership, but Probably Should by Jeffrey A. Kottler

Author:Jeffrey A. Kottler [Kottler, Jeffrey A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780190620820
Publisher: Oxford University Press
Published: 2018-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

Talking to Yourself Differently

There is a popular branch of psychotherapy called cognitive therapy that was originally developed simultaneously by two theorists working independently.28 Although some differences characterize their approaches, the main idea is something pinpointed in the preceding section: that the ways in which we respond to experiences depend not so much on the events themselves, but rather how we choose to interpret them. All experiences, all events in our lives, all happenings on the job, are intrinsically neutral, their ultimate effect determined by the ways we perceive them.

When leaders feel discouraged, frustrated, or blocked, they can either make a choice (and it is a choice) to blame external factors such as others’ incompetence, the economy, inclement weather, market changes, bad luck (even if they do play a role), or to accept responsibility for what is within their control. It may very well be the case that subordinates did a substandard job, competitors didn’t play fair, or unforeseen circumstances played a part in the failure, and it’s certainly helpful to assess such factors accurately, but externalizing blame is usually not all that helpful in the long run. Blaming “fake news,” the media, ruthless enemies, and other scapegoats may help a leader to sidestep responsibility for his troubles, but it ultimately does very little to alter the trajectory of his or her failure to get things done.

So many of the difficulties and challenges in life can be minimized not necessarily through dramatic changes in structure, but rather by altering the ways in which people view things. When humans complained about long waits for elevators in high-rise buildings or for subway trains, engineers found that they could significantly reduce such complaints not by adding more cars, but rather by giving people more to do while they wait (installing mirrors next to doors so people could admire themselves) or providing an illusion of more control (adding displays that provide precise information on arrival times). Similarly, traffic accidents, road rage, and general impatience can be reduced simply by installing countdown delay screens so drivers and pedestrians experience a greater sense (or illusion) of control over their movements.

Meaning-making concerns just about everything in life; it is the attitude and interpretations that people bring to their experiences. A mistake can be defined as a failure or learning experience. Negotiations that don’t end up as anticipated can be viewed as a loss or an unexpected outcome. Conflicts in relationships can be experienced as breaches of trust or opportunities for closer intimacy. Likewise, stressful experiences can be internalized as interesting challenges or devastating emotional turmoil, depending on how they are metabolized. It is now understood that a leader’s moods, emotional energy, and responses determine to a great extent the ways in which followers subsequently respond. So it isn’t just our own mental health and life satisfaction that are at stake when we overreact to situations, but the whole well-being of the organization.

Depending on what we tell ourselves about evolving circumstances, we can respond in a multitude of ways that lead to very different outcomes.

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